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the BZL awards!!!!! Thursday, 20-Jan-2000 16:32:34
Dave Letterman:Live from Hell this is the BZL Awards for all-time. I'm so excited I can hardly contain myself. Space Ghost:And now, the award for favorite poster goes to..................................................................gurl via default because nobody could pick a favorite poster!!!! (Gurl accepts the award and says her acceptance speech which was edited out due to excessive donkey pornography, discrimination against out-of-work child actors, masturbating with a lightsaber, and breast-feeding Starseed) Visionary:What the hell???? I didn't get any breast milk???? That's an outrage!!!! Cheryl:Grrrrrrrrrr..... Visionary:Um, an outrage.......because.....because........I can't milk myself???!!!! Pegasus:Yeah, you can milk me but you can't milk yourself??? Visionary:Ummm........yes? Space Ghost:And now, presenting the award for most offensive poster, a washed-up acting dream team, Mr.T and Gary Coleman!!!!!! Mr.T:Hi everybody!!!! Gary can't be here tonight because he was stepped on by Mini-Me, but never fear I wyill still prusent the award 'cause near, far wherever you are, I believe my heart will go onnnnnnnnnnn........ Cheryl:That was SUCH a tasteless midget joke!!! Who's writing this show??? Space Ghost:Vizh!!! (Cheryl stabs Vizh in the face with a butter knife) Vizh:Ha!!! Puny mortal!!! Terminator robots don't feel pain!!! They say 'I'll be back' and 'Hasta La Vista Baby'--I mean, I need some kind of distraction to take everyone's mind off of this...... Mr.T:.....and the award for most offensive poster goes to.............gurl!!!!! (gurl comes up to receive her award and says her acceptance speech, which is edited out due to excessive homosexual baboon pornography, ham with spiders, automatically flushing urinals, and gurl herself.) Space Ghost:And now, presenting the award for best poet, homosexual musician Boy George, Scotty from Star Trek, and a guy that wears a hat, HATMAN!!!!!! Scotty:....and remember George, doo NOT gyet behind me!!!!! Hatman:I like hats. Scotty:And the award for best poet goes too..........(feels a poke up his ass)AHHHHH!!! George!!! What did I tell ya' about standing buhind Scotty??? George:Sorry!!! But your ass turns me on!!!!! Scotty:Why, I'm flattered and all, but what's your problem muhn??? I mean, I've seen elephants with nicer asses dan mine!!! (George stares at Scotty's breast blankly) Scotty:AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! (Scotty tries to run from George, but he cannot escape George because George's penis is jammed so far up Scotty's rectum) George:You can't run from your feelings Scotty.......(George's penis shoots out of Scotty's urethra) AG:Gross.....did we really have to see that??? Space Ghost:Yes. You really had to see that. Hatman:blah blah blah the award goes to Cobra and Sorceress. (Cobra and Sorceress accept the award and give an acceptance speech, which is not edited out. It's not edited out. I just couldn't think of anything for them to say.......) Fing Fang Foom:Alright, I'm supposed to introduce TLC now, but one thing I gotta know. Why the hell are you wearing condems on your fingers????? Anonymous TLC member:What fingers???? Exile:................................................................Waitaminnut....That's pretty disturbing............ Space Ghost:Well.......at least they practice safe sex!!!! Exile:....................that's even more disturbing. (Dark Knight and Kurt Cobain come out--No, not THAT come out--to present the award for Best Writer) (Kurt pours hot coffee on his crotch) Dark Knight:Are you okay???? Kurt:Yes(hits his head on the podeum)I'm(shoots himself)fine(shoots himself again)I'm(twists his nipple)just(jumps off a building)trying(gets devoured by an ant-eating anteater)to(locks himself in the refrigerator and suffocates)kill(drinks poison)myself. Dark Knight:...........How bout them Broncos??? (Kurt stabs himself in the head with a gun and shoots himself with a knife) Dark Knight:Hmmmmmm........(reads cue card)Snipes you. Kurt:And(kills himself)the(slams car door on his head)award(is sat on by Marlon Brando)goes(gets head punched off by Jason)to(is shot in the face by a Rosie O' Donell koosh ball)the(dies some more)Hooded(drinks orange juice after brushing his teeth)Hood. Hooded Hood:Well, it was pretty much a foregone conclusion that I would win, but I couldn't do it without the little people, so I would like to thank Frank Miller, Jack Kirby, Alan Moore, Mark Waid, Stan Lee, Gardner Fox, Kurt Busiek, Neil Gaiman, and Grant Morrison for throwing away their rejected story ideas in the dumpster, where they are easy accessible to homeless winos like myself--well, former homeless wino that is. Thanks guys!!! I couldn't do it without you.........realy. heh heh heh.....heh heh heh.....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Man..............that episode of 'I Love Lucy' where they're in the chocolate factory cracks me up...... (And then, Lenny Kravitz performs a song) Lenny:Are you gonna go my way?? Are you gonna go my way???? And I got to, got to know..................how the hell did Rosie O' Donnell fit into the leather outfit in 'Exit to Eden'??????? (Lohn Lennon and Howard Stern walk out to present the award for 'funniest poster') Howard Stern:Who's the Korean chick??? John Lennon:Oh. That's Sonny Bono. Yoko Ono:It's Yoko!!! Yoko Ono!! John:I mean Yoko Ono. We're attached at the hip. Literally. Howard:Bummer...... John:You think that's sad??? Obviously you haven't heard her singing........ Howard:I have........... (after hearing Yoko's singing, John and Howard go into a deep depression and commit suicide) Yoko:.......and the award for funniest poster goes to SPACE GHOST!!! AHHHHHHHH!! HYUKHYUKHYUKHYUK!!!!!!!! Baron Zemo:AHHHHH!!! That's impossible!! I rigged the votes!!!!!! Space Ghost:But who counted them???? Baron Zemo:damn...........Space Ghost's gay!!! George Michaels:......and???? Space Ghost:Zemo, you can have the best parody of something award if it makes you feel any better. Baron Zemo:Really??? You'd let me have it??? Space Ghost:Well you were going to win it anyway for Dussanberg..... Baron Zemo:You love me!!! You really love me!!!! Space Ghost:........but only because 'I like Space Ghost's stuff' isn't an elgible vote. Baron Zemo:Rats!!!.......but I guess it's better than 'best kite flyer' and 'most pink'. Space Ghost:Oh it gets worse Zemo........ Banjooo:And the award for 'most Jewish' goes to.........Baron Zemo!!!!!!! Saddam:But Baron!!! You were so.....communist!!!! But now, you must DIE!!! (Saddam stabs Zemo with his driedel) Hitler:Well, I've got a barmitzah to go to. Seeya!!! Red Skull:Mmmmm.....Potato pancakes......... Vizh:Hey....I still haven't got that 'what fingers?' joke....... ------------------------------------------------- Oh yeah, here's the other awards..... FRIENDLIEST POSTER:Lisa BEST ON-GOING SERIES:Untold Tales of the Lair Legion BEST STORY:A tie between every other issue of Untold Tales. BEST FLAMER:Gurl. FAVORITE POSTER:Nobody had a strait answer so I'm giving it to the man that runs the board, Baron Zemo. MOST OVERRATED:Y'know, it's says something about your board when the best writer wins the most overrated award..... MOST UNDERRATED:spiffy. MOST CONTROVERSIAL:CrazySugarFreakBoy. Of course, that's not who I voted for, but those are the results. Oh and CSFB, the CSFB board exclusive story will be a BZL board exclusive. I fear normal people will have trouble reading it with your boards bright colors. I mean, i can read fine at your board, but I'm not a 'normal people' either........ Space Ghost |
| the BZL awards!!!!! (Space Ghost) (20-Jan-2000 16:32:34) |
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